If you are like me you have spent years processing your childhood through one method or another. We Baby Boomers are the psychological/spiritual “processors”. We’ve developed and used all sorts of techniques for exploring our inner selves. They have all had their usefulness, I don’t intend any criticism of them. I’ve been one of the biggest “process junkies” of them all.
But what do we really know? What does the past, or our selective memory of our past, have to do with the truth of this moment now? I learned a powerful lesson about this during a weekend retreat I attended recently.
I spent my 20’s doing Primal Therapy focused on my past, my thirties and forties engaging all sorts of meditation practices and “fifth dimensional” technologies, trying to assist in the evolution of the planet, focused on creating a new future for humanity. Then there was also the more personal work with the law of attraction and creating my personal future as I wanted it.
And then in my early fifties I learned about being present in the moment, the power of now. I learned lots of theories of “how things are;” and was constantly redefining my reality. But what did I really know? Theories, concepts, even powerful experiences of other dimensional phenomenon – what did they teach me about truth, about love?
I’ve experienced a great deal in the last few years. I fell in love with a spiritual teacher (a phenomena I didn’t even know existed before it happened to me) and through that relationship I have experienced truth. I have experienced love. I’ve experience who I truly am. But what do I really know?
Until a few days ago, I thought I knew how a pivotal experience in my childhood had effected me, what it meant in terms of my experience of who I was, what it meant in terms of my relationship with my father. I thought I knew what the limits of that relationship were, I thought I had accepted what could never be. I thought I knew what could and couldn’t be.
Then in a moment of grace, with this beloved teacher, all that changed. A door opened and I allowed the possibility for something I had assumed was not possible, for something to be different from the way I had always held it in my mind. And the result has been that a connection, an exquisite expression of love, deeper than anything that has ever been before, has been exchanged between my father and me. And the past and it’s “traumas” have fallen away. All that I thought I knew, and that had defined me, shifted, and there is only love.
I’m deliberately being a bit vague, not wanting to make a private moment between my father and me something public. But I hope you can feel the energy of what I am offering. What we think we know is not always true. And when you can allow a moment of not knowing, truth can be revealed.
I offer you this opportunity I had. Let yourself not know how things are for just a moment. Open your mind and heart to a door you thought was closed, for just a moment. See if it is really closed. Don’t know. Allow yourself to express the depth of who you are and see what the response is. Maybe, you’ll find that what you thought you knew is true. But if you are lucky, maybe, like me, you’ll find that what you thought was the truth never really existed outside your mind. And finally, there is nothing real but love.
I look forward to your thoughts and comments!
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